I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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