it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize