thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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