I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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