Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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