i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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