there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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