No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize