i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
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Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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