So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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