I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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