so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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