omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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