i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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