Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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