I skipped work to stalk him.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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