Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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