3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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