i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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