dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is classic penis vs brain.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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