i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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