cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize