it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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