I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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