Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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