i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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