But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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