I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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