My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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