I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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