If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize