what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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