How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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