Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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