I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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