I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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