I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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