I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize