Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize