i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize