she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize