I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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