Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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