Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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