I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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