I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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