I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize