The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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