You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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