I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize